Follow Scott's Adventures in India. An American Expatriate, I've been Delhi based since June 2008.
Jun 27, 2008
MTV India Vs. MTV US
vs. MTV US's slutty show, Tila Tequila's Shot At Love:
Disturbia
First, Gurgaon is all about modern gleaming office buildings, and slums co-existing. Today, I walked down the road to the closest mall for lunch. It was relatively cool, so we decided to get outside and soak up the fresh air... and the symphony of car horns.
Almost all malls follow the same pattern in Gurgaon. 3 floors of shopping, with a movie theater / entertainment zone & food court on the 4th floor. Alfred Almeida (from the former Portugese colony of Goa - and therefore of Indian/European descent, Catholic, and a good Portugese name) and I headed up the escalators to grab lunch. On the first floor, we passed a McDonald's. It was tempting not to grab a fry - but I resisted. Thankfully, had I changed my mind, I'd encounter another McDonald's on the fourth floor... I didn't and instead we went to Subway.
I grabbed a Subway Melt... which curiously wasn't melted... and we sat down next to Hog Dog, a common food stall in malls. It serves the worlds only vegan hotdog.... YUMMY! Also available in the foodcourt, a place called Street Foods of India - I think I need to check it out when I have nothing in the afternoon.
Also up here, the happening bar. It's name? Suburbia, The Urban Lounge. Nothing particularly Urban about Suburbia... But I digress. All this suburban wonderfulness inspired me to record some footage of Gurgaon for you. Look for some video soon!
Jun 25, 2008
Hey Ladies! Yeah? Hey Ladies! Yeah? Do you want to save guys from Hades?!
I found this... I'd heard of GodTube, but didn't realize this religious version of YouTube was for real....... Until now. Enjoy:
'Cause it's worn, and it's torn, and I know that girls reborn!
Greased Lightning!
The stations big thing is their promise of 10 hits in a row between commercials. This is pretty nice, as you usually can get all the way to Gurgaon and only have to listen to one set of commercials.
Editors note - it is always the same three commercials:
1) We learn how Mr. Gupta went to Thigh-land & lost his wallet... ohh how he should have purchased AMEX travellers checks
2) We learn how a young boy has given his girl a ride..... at the funland amusement park in Noida
3) Tiger Beer - Party - Tiger Beer - Party
Now, the promise of 10 hits in a row is usually only partially delivered upon. Today, on the way back home - I heard the following songs:
- 50 cent & JTimbelake - Ayo Technology
- Sean Kingston - Take You There
- Maroon 5 - Won't Go Home Without You
- John Travolta - The Grease Medly
- Nicole Scherzinger - Baby Love
- Sir-MixALot - Baby Got Back
Despite all the distance, I still require my fathers name to get a cell phone....
- Choose a phone number:
- The store will have a stack of packets with phone numbers on them
- They will had you the packets to find a suitable number
- I usually take ones with lots of repeating numbers
- Like 995399925 - so that I can use the Indian form of Double 9, 53 Triple 9..
- Produce the following forms of documentation
- Copy of US Passport
- Copy of Indian Visa
- A Passport sized photo
- Fill out the application - interesting questions include:
- Fathers Name or Husbands Name.....
- Finally, Signatures!
- Sign both contract forms
- Sign your photocopy of your passport
- Sign your photocopy of the visa
- Sign the passport photo - over your chest
Other interesting cell phone fact - Nobody has voicemail on their cell phone here & often - it is not available or set up on work lines... Who knew?!
Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil:
I present - The Times of India Crazy article of the week.
Old & Helpless in Hetro India:
It could be called the WHW factor. It comes up when gay men or lesbian woman in India announce their intention of leading their lives on their own terms. Which may or may not mean being open about their sexuality, but usually does mean not doing the heterosexual-marriage-and-kids thing. Such a declaration to friends and family is met with a deep sigh and the question: "Well, maybe that's OK now, but What Happens When you grow old, fall sick, don't have family to take care of you?"
What Happens When (WHW) applies, of course, to all those who choose not to marry and have kids. But it's never invoked as strongly for straight people probably because friends and family always retain a residual shred of hope that they will someday find the right person, and perhaps even have kids. But saying you're gay or lesbian seems to close that door (not quite fairly, given the many gays and lesbians who want to adopt and raise kids) and condemn you to a bleak, lonely old age. "The middle age of buggers is not to be contemplated without horror," wrote Virginia Woolf (a married bisexual herself).
In less lurid terms, that sentiment is repeated at forums like the support meetings for the parents of gay people organised by the Gaybombay group. Parents say they can accept their children's sexuality, but worry what will happen when they are no longer around since their children won't have families of their own to take care of them. Their children counter that many straight people also end up single, which is correct, but shifts the problem rather than solves it. Shyam, who's 33, admits he often discusses it with gay friends: "Most have a great career and are earning well. I suggest that we pool funds and design a building where each member gets an apartment. So we live together but not in each other's face."
Something on those lines is now being proposed by Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil of Rajpipla. Gohil's open admission some time back that he was gay caused a huge controversy in Gujarat and even made news around the world. But this did not deter him from working with his Lakshya trust to support sexual minorities in Gujarat, and it was in this connection that the idea of an old age home came about. "Old age is a fact of life," says Gohil. "Those of us likely to be single need to plan for it."
The actual impetus for the home, though, came not from a gay man, but a straight one. He goes by the name Trijayananad, an NRI, originally from Gujarat, who had gone to Canada to make his fortune but decided to retire back home. He always intended to start an old-age home, but after speaking with Gohil decided to make it a gay one. "He was influenced by his time in Canada," says Gohil. "He saw the freedom homosexuals have over there and the problems we have here."
So, now tell me - did any of you see the gay old folks home coming?
Jun 24, 2008
Netflix Desi Style

I'm considering joining BigFlix, the Indian version of netflix. This site is run by Reliance, no surprise is you read my last post. The thing that amazes me about this business model, is how cheap it is - given that here it is run on home delivery (as in someone brings you your movies).
The company is running in 40 cities, and the premise is the same. You manage a queue of films you would like to see & then select a date to get them. The nearest store then sends out a delivery boy to bring you your movies. You can call him to pick them up, or swing them by the store.
The cost? about 10 bucks a month. Cheaper than netflix - but this firm is maintaining stores, delivery drivers, etc.... Pretty impressive.
The Richest Men in The Room
I think this is a fair question - it is after all, a second world country (which basically means everywhere you go is either firmly in first world, or definitely in third world), it is ALL the way on the other side of the world, and I have a pretty good life back in the states (if I do say so myself).
I was reading Forbes today online, doing some research for some high level meetings I have with Reliance Industries & Reliance AMR. These are two HUGE companies in India - frankly in the world. In fact, this week the press is abuzz with reports of Reliance financing the buyout of Dreamworks. In doing my research, I came across the Forbes list of 'The Worlds Billionaires' & this list does a better job explaining why India, than any answer I could give you. Take a look:
So, there you have it, 4 of the 10 richest men in the world, all have roots in the Indian Market. All four are doubling & tripling their wealth and their countries wealth. The growth of this market is dramatically outpacing growth rates in the US (admittedly a larger economy). It is boomtown here, and I'm along for the ride.
Guest Blogger: Kelly M (update - put the maiden name!)
Lovingly captured on the streets of Chicago - we present - Log on a Van:

Jun 23, 2008
Comfort Food
Papa John's - Straight From Louisville KY --> New Delhi, India.
Conan & Jane
This one is courtesy of the Conan O'Brien Show. It always makes me laugh - while long - worth watching!
John & Jane
In the press, I read article about the lengths these call centers go through to recruit candidates to work for them. You hear of firms having family night - for curious and concerned parents to come check out the firm. They offer shuttles to and from the central districts to the offices in far flung corners.
Last night, a documentary aired here called John and Jane. This documentary chronicled a year in the lives of 6 call center agents. It was a depressing & intriguing at the same time. Is it a white collar sweatshop? Or is it a step up for otherwise unqualified kids? Do the companies keep unrealistic expectations of their employees? Or, are they simply running volume based sales organizations.... You be the judge:
TV Commercial of the Week
This ad only features people speaking in Japanese, so naturally - I love it.
Enjoy the Ad:
Wienershnitzle
On my first visit to one of these stores, I stocked up on the staples I require. Mayo for sandwiches, Tortillas, canned tomatoes. I left feeling satisfied that I would have no issues gaining access to my familiar favorites.
On my second visit to one of these stores, I suddenly became aware of the German, British and Aussie exports. And frankly, I'm more impressed with these! Tonight for dinner, I had great imported German sausages - the kind I've not found in the states, but love to eat when in Germany! For dessert, I nibbled on a few hob nobs from UK.... I'm excited to go back and stock up on all the other interesting international foods.
Jun 22, 2008
Strangers in the night...
Once a year, my family would pack our stuff up and join them for a week. First, my mom, sister & I would go, and later, my father would join for the weekend. On one visit, our friends had brought along an adopted rabbit. It seems the local school needed someone to care for it over the summer, and our friends obliged. Unfortunately for us, this meant we spent the better part of the week tiptoeing around little pellets of rabbit poop. It was claimed that this rabbit was litter box trained, but I can assure you - this rabbit pooed wherever it wanted to.
To this day, my family still talks about how gross the poo everywhere was. I never thought I would have to spend a day again tiptoeing around... until I moved to India. At about 10 pm each night, after I shut my lights off, several visitors join me in my apartment. Thankfully, they are not rodents, but rather chameleon's.
At first, I thought this was kind of cute, after all - chameleons do their part as my house guest & eat the few bugs that make it inside. But lately, I've started finding little poo pellets around the house in odd places. I know, I have a maid, so I'm not picking it up.... but still - it is a little weird.
I've been told to consider myself lucky, as many other folks complain of cockroach problems., something that is common in 90+ degree heat. So far (touch wood - the Indian version of Knock on wood), I haven't seen anything larger than an ant in the house....
Come to think of it... maybe I'll keep the chameleons. Could they be natures exterminator?
Vonage Phone is Up!
The phone quality is generally pretty good, but I find myself changing the channel quite frequently. That said, I'm not available on a US number when at home. If you want my number to call, please email @ scott.helmes@careerbuilder.com (I don't want to post it out here to the masses). I will warn you, I'm 11.5 hours ahead - so PLEASE don't call in the middle of the night. Always thing after 9:00 pm CST is good, or 7am - noon is ok CST as well.
Hope to hear from some of you!
Jun 21, 2008
What a difference a week makes!
Now, I mention gym facilities - and they were very nice - but I really had no intention of getting on a machine today, I was all about the pool. So, after a quick tour of the gym, sauna, salon, I paid my 700 rs (15 bucks) and headed for the pool. I had the place essentially to myself all day long as the worst of the heat seems to have receded.
From what I can tell, this hotel used to be a part of the Inter-Continental chain, and seems to be reveling in it's faded glory. The hotels location is in Vasant Vihar (about 15 minutes away) near Priya market. At one time, this neighborhood was known for its diplomats, and this place must have been a favorite of visiting foreign diplomats. As it is, the hotel is a bit of a ghost town, at least on a Saturday.
That said, the pool area was clean, nice and quiet - and provided a great break from the usually crowded, dirty & loud surroundings of Delhi.
Jun 20, 2008
Blue Skies! Smiling at me! Nothing but Blue skies, do I see!
I think the rain cleaned the air up a bit, so I'm going to run outside and soak in the clear skies for the next hour, until they fog over again! For you folks in the States, have a nice weekend! I'm signing off.
Candy Gram
Usually it is a shot of color in another wise khaki landscape. Earlier this week it was a familiar site contrasted against an unfamiliar background. Here are two examples.
Just this week, I headed into Delhi for a night out with some UN employees. The bar of choice was in Connaught Place in central Delhi. I went to meet Arti & Craig at the Sheraton for a drink before Craig and I headed over. On the way, I spotted a man riding a bicycle with about 15 fake deer on it. These things were on his arms, his bike, his neck... everywhere. I know, you are thinking to yourself - Scott has to be making some of these things up, right?
Well, it is precisely for this reason that I try to document wherever possible. I present for you, the deer man:

I had assumed that the deer man was about as weird as I could find. I mean, how often do you see people with weird goods for sale all over themselves? But, today, I saw Balloon man:
Yes, there is ALWAYS something to surprise you here. But, that is half the fun!
Lawn Mower
Anyhow, I finally headed out at about 8:45 for a meeting with a business publisher in south Delhi. As I climbed down my stairs, I noticed the house boy was on the lawn. After a closer look I realized he was mowing the lawn... Well that might be a bit of a stretch. He was squatting on the lawn with some garden shears and inch by inch trimming it.
Jun 19, 2008
Litigation Station
Today, as I'm working on my computer, a fellow in a bright orange prison jumpsuit paid us a visit. He stopped in front of the glass a mere 2 feet from me and worked on his hair for about 5 minutes much to amusement of those of us in the office. After a few moments had passed, his friend wheeled over the window washers boom arm. This connected to a wire from which they can hang over the building and clean windows.
So far, nothing was out of ordinary here. However, I suddenly saw a man pick up a boulder & place it on top of the iron weights that they were using to act as a counter weight to the men over the building. Then 2 or three smaller boulders were added to the pile & held in place by some tape, string, a few plastic poles and a brick.
Within moments, both men were over the side of the building placing trust in their bizarre rigging. For those of you shaking your head in disbelief... here you go:
Delhi has become most crass and show-offish, says Dikshit
Here, it is News, Business, Cricket (ok sports... but it is always cricket), and Bollywood. The lead article on the News page, and therefore the first thing I saw after sitting down today was the subject of this post. "Delhi has become most crass and show-offish, says DIKSHIT"
Now, I'm sure this subject line on was not intended to be as funny as it is. Dikshit, pronounced (dickshit... no actually dickshhhhhhhhhhhhhit) is a pretty common name. I've spent the last five minutes trying to pronounce this name with out it sounding crass, but no matter how my colleagues try to make me emphasize the shhhhhhhhh sound, it still sounds like.... well you get the idea.
Jun 18, 2008
The Godfathers of Rock
Today for lunch Arti & I went to the Chinese & Thai Cafe. This place is located on the second floor of our building, so it was the perfect spot for a quick lunch. The restaurant itself is centered around a dance floor in the middle of the room, with dining tables surrounding.
At night I'm told, the place becomes a happening Disc (discotheque), specializing in rock music. In fact, the restaurants website promises the place becomes a "scintillating bar & pub each evening". In keeping with the club decor, the restaurant has a relief sculpture on the main wall of the kings of rock. What is unclear however, is who these kings are. Certainly Elvis, Mick Jagger & Bob Marley can be identified. But that leaves two mystery men. I'm pretty sure from left to right, the first face is Dizzie Gillespie, but the middle face is a big question mark.
Arti has decided the face looks like Martha Stewart, but none of us can figure out who exactly this mystery king of rock is. Any ideas from the crowd?
STDs - They are everywhere....
I have been able to find some patterns around the telephone system. Here are my initial learnings:
- All phone numbers are 10 digits long, and made up of three parts
- Cell phones: STD code, Provider code, and subscriber number
- Landline: STD code & subscriber number
- When in the Delhi Metro, and dialing a land line, I do not need to use the 'STD' code. I can make a normal 7 digit call
- When dialing a cell phone in Delhi Metro, I need to use an STD code & start the number with a zero
- Dialing a land line in India outside of Delhi Metro, I need to use a zero & an STD code followed by the 7 digits
- All phone numbers are not 7 digits. It is possible to have 6,7 or 8 digit phone number
- STD codes can be 2, 3 or 4 digits
In the states, we typically do a 3,3,4 grouping. As in: 555-555-5555. In India, I've seen many groupings, but typically it looks something like: 66000666 (number for McDonalds delivery), +91-11-41414141 (Mega Cabs radio taxi).
This just goes to show that something as simple as making a phone call can be much more difficult than you expect it to be. Not that it is a big deal per se, just that it is one of those little hurdles you can't anticipate.
I'm working on my backhand....
A few days back, Arti pointed out this awesome invention that all the shopkeepers in Priya had. It looks like a badminton racket, but has a wire screen in place of the traditional string. Here is a photo:
Craig went to their local market & ordered 2 of these tools. Arti has lent one to me, and I am now the proud owner of my own bug zapper. The racket is powered by batteries & the center mesh screen is electrified. When it comes in contact with flies, or other flying insects, a sharp crackle sounds, and the bugs fall to the floor.
Those of you who know me, will find it no surprise that within 30 seconds of me handling my new toy, I managed to shock myself. I must say, it delivers a sharp little kick. The sizzle is similar to a shock you might get from an electric socket.
As shocking as it may sound (yeah, good pun, right?) this tool has revolutionized my day. I now look forward to my car being filled with little flies each morning. I have even asked my driver to park especially close to the cow pies so that I can do my part to bringing the North India fly population under control.
MORE ROBOTS! & Why Michael Jackson will live forever!

So, I couldn't resist sharing one more robot photo from the paper. I think there must be some major robot convention going on in Asia, because every day we learn about a new random robot. This time, we learn about the RoboKisser.
Perhaps most disturbing about this particular article is the mention of the robo kissers feminine appearance. The only thing I don't quite get, is how this robot is supposed to be kissing the guy? It just sort of looks like he pulled his Comcast remote control to his face & then told the waiting reporters that it was a humanoid robot... I guess he figured the Indian press would eat it up... and it did.
In a related story.... I enjoyed learning that a fearful face can keep me alive.
It's a Privelage to Pee!
Lately, I've found myself asking - just how ridiculous is this? Here in India, "Is it a privelage to pee?".
It would certainly appear for some, is a privelage to pee in private. On most days, I see between 10-20 men publicly urinating on the side of the road. This is very typical near the labor camps that sit in the shadows of new construction here in Gurgaon. It seems when nature calls, nature calls. Interestingly you will never see a woman pee in public, I've been told they must rise before sunrise in some of these camps so that they can relieve themselves in public.
Now, the laborers I understand. What is perhaps more shocking is the sight of professional men standing on the side of the road relieving themselves. For these folks, it is clearly not an issue of access to toilets, but rather a culturally accepted, albeit not enthusiastically, practice.
Jun 17, 2008
French Name, Chinese Food, NYC Decor

I hope you get as big a kick out of seeing my Wheaton Homeboy John Belushi as I do!
Coolest Guy Ever
http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/
Matt is a 30-year-old deadbeat from Connecticut who used to think that all he ever wanted to do in life was make and play videogames. He achieved this goal pretty early and enjoyed it for a while, but eventually realized there might be other stuff he was missing out on. In February of 2003, he quit his job in Brisbane, Australia and used the money he'd saved to wander around the planet until it ran out. He made this site so he could keep his family and friends updated about where he is.
A few months into his trip, a travel buddy gave Matt the idea of dancing everywhere he went and recording it on his camera. This turned out to be a very good idea. Now Matt is quasi-famous as "That guy who dances on the internet. No, not that guy. The other one. No, not him either. I'll send you the link. It's funny."
If you liked this video, the 2008 version will launch in 3 days. This guys was picked up by stride gum & they now finance his travel & video shoot.Jun 16, 2008
Pomi The Robot Penguin
Pomi (Penguin Robot for Multimodal Interaction) can see, hear, touch and emit smells as well as making faces, Friday's Korea Times reported.The robot can move its lips, eyebrows and even pupils freely to make faces and can emit two kinds of fragrances to match its emotions. A "heart box" on the chest will feature different kinds of heartbeats depending on its mood when it is touched, the paper reported.
Pomi is programmed to answer users through voice-recognition technology and various sensors allow it to recognise and locate humans. It was developed by the state-run Electronics and Telecommunications Research Institute (ETRI) which plans to put Pomi to commercial use.
Blame it on the Rain!
I tell you this to stress how the offices are clearly in a good section of Gurgaon. However, the roads today were so bad in this area that I thought my driver was going to flood the engine driving through 6 inches of standing water. Aside from the water issue, there was a serious mud issue on this side of town. I saw folks standing ankle deep in clay mud trying to push cars out of their parking spots.
After the meeting, I had my driver take me back home. The ride is normally about 30 minutes, but today took about 1.5 hours. To illustrate the increasingly dire nature of my drive, I've put together some video clips:
1) Part One: Traffic crawls to a stop:
2) Part Two: Motorcycles seem to be the only things making progress
3) Part Three: Damn, maybe I should just use a bike! That must be the fast way home!
4) Part Four: Screw any sort of wheeled transport. The only folks making progress are on foot!
5) Finale! What has been holding traffic up for an hour? This hole in the road.....
New Weekly Feature: Featured Articles in Times of India
This evening, on the drive home from work I took some time to read the Times of India. This gave me a great idea for a recurring segment on funny article titles. Keep in mind, these titles are much funnier out of context, so I've left the body copy out. I'm also sure, I could do the same exercises with the Chicago Tribune, and in fact - I encourage someone to do so & leave their findings in the comments section!
Page 17: Times Trends
- In 2050, your lover may be a... robot
- Pomi the robot penguin has hidden depths
- Monkey uses garden hose to flee zoo
- To keep up with women, even young men popping Viagra
- 29% desi scientists believe in karma
- Horse beats man to win race, but just by half a minute
- New bride walks down the aisle with a black eye
- Egypt bans 92 year-old from marrying teen bride
Alleged rapist married victim in Giridih jail
Unheard perhaps in the annals of India's prison history, Giridih Central Jail was turned into a marriage hall with authorities presiding over the wedding between an alleged rapist and his so-called victim on Sunday morning. Since the groom was an accused undergoing trial for rape, the jail authorities had obtained permission of the sessions court here to facilitate the marriage between the victim and the accused.
Rinku Ansari of Kesra Bahiyar village, five km from Giridih, who has been in jail since March 31, promised a mehar of Rs. 5,000 to the bride, Nesrata Parween of Azadnagar area here in presence of the additional district and sessions judge Radhamohan Tiwari and the jail superintendent....
...Jail personnel distributed sweets among the prisoners at the end of the ceremony and joined in the celebrations... The boy will have to remain in prison and the legal process for his release on bail would have to be followed up by his relatives and the bride... The blushing girl says she has withdrawn the complaint lodged against her husband, and that she hopes they can start a new life once he is out of jail.
One in EVERY country
I never could figure out why they selected the name. It has ever piece of junk you ever
wanted to see. But useful for basics. Usually cheap, but not as cheap as
your finds in India.
Taken from TokyoQool:
...the goods displayed on the street offer a taste of the eclectic choice within - from brooms, fluffy toys and foot-baths to plastic flowers, waffle irons and disco lights.
In case you are ever in Tokyo, and need a disco ball, be sure to visit. More, after the Jump.
If you are sure you can handle Don Quixote in it's full splendor, here is the official site.
Jun 15, 2008
SRK - Shah Rukh Khan
Today, I came across this on CNN:
Shah Rukh Khan, one of the few people in the world also known by his initials, has every reason to keep his own chin up. Twenty years after his first onscreen role in the Indian television series "Fauji," SRK -- the man and the brand -- is more popular than ever.
On Sunday night, he won the Best Actor award in Bollywood's version of the Oscars -- the International Indian Film Academy Awards -- for his role as coach of the Indian national women's field hockey team in "Chak De! India." The film took nine awards in all, including Best Film and Best Director.
Discount Retailing in India
I had heard that Big Bazaar might be a good place to check out as it is a discount store. It was described to me as a Walmart, Indian style. I asked my driver to take me to Ambience Mall area, where I believed there to be a nearby Big Bazaar. Big Bazaar is on the low end of the shopping, and Ambience Mall is decidedly on the high end w/ stores like Nine West, Calvin Klein, and The Body Shop. So, when my driver insisted that Big Bazaar was located within the mall, I objected. Surely, you wouldn't find high end shopping and Walmart style retailing coexisting in the same mall. The sheer economics of it make no sense. All things aside, I'd been to this mall just last week, and didn't see the Big Bazaar anywhere in the mall.
Rather confidently, I walked into Ambience expecting to call my driver in 5 minutes to tell him we needed to go next door, or down the street. However, after a little snooping, and the help of a Reliance (think Best Buy) sales clerk, I found the Big Bazaar. Buried in the basement of the mall, down two levels of escalators I found Indian Xanadu.
Describing this place as Wal-mart doesn't give the store enough credit. Big Bazaar has everything from clothes, electronics, housewares, groceries, jewelery, books, refrigerators... You name it, they sell it. It is a cross between Wal-mart, Chinatown & Ikea.
All around the store were bins of odds and ends that looked like they fell off a shipping boat in the south china sea. I found more odd pieces of molded hyper-color plastic thing-a-ma-jigs here than on Canal Street NYC. On top of the guady & overwhelming display of items, the PA system was in a permanent state of frenzy with voices yelling out the special of the hour. For the next 60 minutes, purchase one do-it-yourself home fumagation kit (don't laugh, I found one), get one free! Every once in a while, you would get an announcement for a lost child, or stranded grandmother looking for help.
After over an hour I went to check out. My bag was overflowing with my purchases. I bought 25 red hangers, a can opener, two bath towels, face wash cloths, aluminum foil, and a fruit & vegatable peeler. My total? about 5 USD dollars. Nearly every item I purchased was buy one, get one free. While the store is hardly posh, the staff was surprisingly helpful. I'd definitely go back again, just for the experience.
MONSOON! or SHIT! I DON'T OWN AN UMBRELLA!
The roads leading to my colony are all paved, yet the road outside my gate, to the main guard is gravel. With the hot summer, this gravel & clay seems unable to absorb the rain as it comes down. On my way out to lunch, we drove through several inches of standing water for several hundred feet. The main road wasn't much better, with some hefty puddles.
Check out this video to see the rain in action:
Now, the rain itself isn't so bad, you really can just retreat inside and wait it out. Unfortunately, it has stirred up the insects a bit, and the mosquitos are out in full force. Arti & Craig received a care package from home w/ several cans of Off Deep Woods and were kind enough to donate one to me.
It is funny the things viewed as a commodity here, bug spray being one of them. The local bug lotion just doesn't seem to do the job. Or maybe it does. As I sprayed myself down last night, I couldn't help but wonder. Is it possible, that the familiar scent alone of off makes me think this stuff is working? I can't say I noticed any fewer bites today than yesterday. Maybe it is all a marketing ploy.
UPDATE:
For those of you who don't know what the Gotti Boy's look like *i make reference to my haircut looking like theirs when the stylist finishes cutting it*, here you go:
Jun 14, 2008
Kya Aap Paanchvi Pass Se Tez Hain?
Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? (Indian Version)
No different than the rest of the world, game shows get syndicated & franchises develop in other countries. Here in India, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? is running non-stop. Unlike the US, where C or D list starts typically host television game shows, the shows here are hosted by top Bollywood stars. This show's star, is HUGE in Asia & the world. Last year, he earned about 35 million USD or 1.5 trillion rupees. This is an insane amount anywhere, let alone in a country where the equivalent of a Starbucks Grande Cappuccino costs 90 cents. Shahrukh Khan also hosts the Indian version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, taking this over from an even more famous star, Amitabh Bachchan.
Keep Delhi Clean & Beautiful

To open this picture in another, larger, window simply double click. Surrounding these homes are functioning businesses. A tire repair shop, an STD (phone booth), a market.
Why is this post titled Keep Delhi Clean & Beautiful?Good Question! Look again at the image. Do you a man with a rolling cart. This man, is employed by the city of Delhi to clean the streets. He and his colleague are sweeping the streets of Delhi by hand. He is busy making sure the gutter of this main road is clean. Yes, civic dollars at work, cleaning the street surrounding the trash ghetto.
This contrast of modernity & old ways is present all over Delhi. The amount of change this country has undergone in the last 10 years is amazing, but the amount left to go is still quite staggering. It is clearly not enough for India to create white collar service jobs, they need a plan for the inner city poor, and the agricultural societies in the rural areas. Without getting too political, I think it is important to note that the US & EU play a critical role in blocking the agricultural development in India by levying import taxes, leaving a country capable of crop exports with nowhere to sell them. The solution to India's problems is not one dimensional, and will take years to enact. It is exciting to see the change here, but there are always reminders of how far we all have to go.
Time For A Haircut

Craig has already had his hair cut here a few times, so I'm pretty confident it will be nice. However, I have hair that is so thick, that stylist don't normally know what to do with it.

I'm hoping that I don't come out with either a buzz cut, or a big old mess on top of my head!
At first glance, the hair place looks great, and they clearly cater to expats. I already knew of the place, but turned over the flyer in my bag from Le Marche' and Bella Madonna had a full page flyer for themselves attached.
So, this little experiment in hair cutting should be interesting. I've posted a before photo here, so you can see just how crazy my hair is right now. I'll definitely keep you posted on progress & will try to update you tomorrow with the after photo.
Le Marche of the Expat Penguin

The first thing I immediately liked about this place, is that they sell lunch meat. On the fourth floor, there is a meat section with seafood, Ham, Lamb & poultry. Of the lunch meat choices, it is mostly ham varieties, but they had imported soppraseta & other italian salted meat. Another perk, several varieties of bacon. Today I limited myself to some minced chicken & decided I was going to cook in this week a real meal, instead of the easy stuff I've been buying to date.
Also on the fourth floor is their small produce section. The produce section at Spencer's Hypermarket is more complete, but I was able to score some fresh green beans & new potatoes. After browsing the produce, I headed to the second floor & picked up some bug lotion. I glanced through the toiletries on display, but did not make any purchases. I was impressed with the size of the selection including my favorite shampoo from H20 on Michigan Ave.
In the basement, I picked up most of my dry goods. I did most of my damage here as I was happy to find Old El Paso, Betty Crocker, Doritos and many canned goods. I use canned tomatoes frequently to make sauces, and was pleased to find whole roma, diced, & tomato sauce on display. However, the big find on this floor was the coffee. I picked up some espresso roast & this afternoon am heading out to buy a coffee maker. I've been drinking instant nescafe' at home, and I'm missing a good strong brew.
Before checking out, I browsed the first floor & was able to find all the good cheeses you could reasonably need & a great bakery with Black Forest Cake, Donuts, and Croissants. Check out my purchases below:

Jun 13, 2008
Instructional Videos - Desi Style
It offers such good driving tricks such as the 2 second rule. In fact, I now know I should say, only a fool breaks the two second rule (1:40 in the video). He also encourages Indian drivers to try one of their sutras - a hindi chant (2:00).
I found another wonderful educational video. I've posted the refrain translation. Can you guess what this is for?
I am good natured and provide satisfaction...
I am for you, do not neglect me
I help in stopping unwanted childbirth
I save you and increase your longevityNever forget me I am Nirodh!
On The Line
Who is she... Where is she... What will it take.
Lance Bass, Joey Fatone... On the line.
ohh yeah! my life is glamorous.
Traffic Accidents
The first crash occured at the intersection of Vasant Kunj Marg & Meharuli Gurgaon Road.
View Larger Map
I've noticed over the last few days that while there is a stop light at this intersection. Almost no one pays it any attention. Yesterday, my driver was the first in a line of cars at the red light. When it turned Green, we had to jump into the cross traffic in order to get folk on MG road to stop. Until you exhibit aggressive driving, it seems you will be sitting waiting to drive.
Back to the bike collision. First off, everyone involved appeared to be perfectly fine. There were no injuries & I suspect it probably occured at relatively low speeds. However, the motorcylist was understandably upset that he had dropped his bike and was intent to take it out on the barefoot bicyclist. After some shoving & grabbing by the back of the neck, the bicyclist was able to leave the scene, but you could see how this sort of thing could get ugly quickly.
Now, I've been advised that if you are in an accident, often the best thing to do may be to keep moving. It certainly isn't the most ethical thing in the world, but I'm warned it may pose more problems to stop. I'm not sure I buy this theory, so I'm looking for the Indian Posse to help me out here. Knock on Wood (or as the Indian's say - Touch Wood), I never have to deal with this situation, but say my driver does strike another vehicle. Should we stop, should we keep moving? IP - help me out here in the comments.
For those of you concerned I'm living in BFE
Yes, I may back up to open land, but India's first luxury brand mall is opening in my hood.
Luxury mall, DLF Emporio, coming up in 2008 in South Delhi’s Vasant Kunj area will house high-profile brands such as Armani, Versace, Hugo Boss, Louis Vuitton, Christian Dior, Dolce & Gabbana, Escada and Cartier. At a rental of Rs 900-Rs 1,000 per sq ft per month, this will clearly be the most expensive mall in the country!
My favorite commercial of the moment:
UPDATE: If the video link is dead, click here: Commercial
The odd thing about Indian television, is that even the all english channels still have mostly Hindi Ads. Since my knowledge of Hindi is about 5 words, I find myself looking forward to catching the few ads that make sense to me despite my language barrier. This Surf Excel (Tide-esque brand) still makes me laugh.
I'm Punjabi by Nature, Not 'cause I hate 'cha

In any case, here is what they NY Times had to say:
Everything about this place is loud and large, including the food. Try the vodka gol gappa aperitif: crispy shells filled with a spiced vodka shot and popped into the mouth whole for a hot, boozy explosion. Carnivores: Try the tandoor-roasted lamb or the fish tikka. Vegetarians must make do with overspiced, tandoor roasted broccoli.
Jun 12, 2008
Necessity is the mother of Invention
Arti & Craig live in Gurgaon near our office & were kind enough to pay me a visit in Delhi. Priya is only a short 15 minute drive from my house & Craig has been telling me about a great international food store in the market. Unfortunately, we didn't get a chance to visit as it was closed when we arrived.
We settled on Italian and hit up a place Arti had received a received a recommendation on called Sartoria. Honestly, the food was pretty good. We started with bread served with tapenade & oil/vinegar. Craig spotted Spinach Artichoke dip which we devoured & then I settled on my main course.
Now, I'm not a "beef" fan - I certainly don't eat it at every meal. But with Italian, it is sometimes hard to create dishes properly without a bit of beef. In India, the menu is always full of odd substitutions. For instance, at the Trident Gurgaon, I had a merlot sauce w/ lamb served on a bed of fresh pasta. Today, my Spaghetti Bolognese, a dish normally full of Beef & Pancetta, was instead full of ground chicken. These slight changes are present in all continental food options. In fact, instead of a Chicago Steak, TGIF is serving Chicago Style Braised Lamb.
I don't intend this to be a complaint, my pasta dishes were both quite tasty - but certainly not the Italian I'm used to. I guess as they say, Necessity is the Mother of Invention.
Mourning Commuting:
In the grand scheme of things, I have it pretty easy. Many of my local hire coworkers commute from Noida and spend 2 hours on the road on some days. My commute is a little over 30 minutes, a relative breeze - even in Chicago.
Thankfully, I'm not spending this time driving. Durgesh was sent over by the car rental agency, and we got off to a bit of a bad start. On my second day in office, I used him to drive a colleague and I to Noida for a client call. Along the way we hit a traffic jam & so Durgesh looked for an alternative route. Unfortunately for me, this involved jumping a curb into the Public Bus lane.
Now I'll admit, we did move pretty quickly, but after about .5 miles, we had to wait for all the busses to go through the main bus station. In this particular route, all the busses board & disembark in the center of the road onto a raised platform. It looks essentially like a train station - except busses replace the train. After waiting out turn, we rather embarrassingly drove through the station ourselves.
After that particular incident, and my stern comment, he's been pretty good. So, this morning, I thought I'd film bits of my drive to work for you all to enjoy. The video condenses my 30 minutes into about 3 minutes & gives you a good feel of my daily sights & sounds. I hope you enjoy!
Thanks,
Scott
Coffee & Ketchup?
The express serves coffee and cappuccino for 20-40 rupees, about .50-1 dollar US. Today, I decided to try their lunch sandwiches. I had heard they had a chicken tikka sandwich that was pretty good,

I decided to get the paneer tikka which is essentially: curry, paneer (like a firm cottage cheese) & bread. Now, the sandwich was pretty good - but I'm not sure what I was supposed to do with the two ketchup packets I was handed.
Ketchup is even more popular in India than the US. I know this because even my Indian friends back home put ketchup on their pizza - a practice that disturbs me on so many levels.
However, I never would have expected this love of ketchup to extend to paneer tikka! Needless to say, I did not use the ketchup, I've added it to the pile of things on my desk - maybe I'll order McDelivery tomorrow and use it on some fries.
Jun 11, 2008
Update On Whistlegate!
Thanks to my friend Tripti, a Delhi native I should add, I got the following answer:
About the whistle u heard thats the night duty watchman (in hindi he is called a "chowkidar" I guess they whistle when they start their rounds to let residents (and also the potential thieves) know they are there so they can sleep well!!!!
Have a blast in Delhi
Love
Tripti
The Great VOIP Experiment
The other great technological tool for overseas folks is Vonage. As soon as I decided to move to India, folks began telling me to use the tool. Essentially, you buy a piece of hardware from vonage.com (or bestbuy) and install it anywhere in the world on a high speed connection. Then, through the vonage site, you sign up for a telephone number in the US. Once you've signed up and paid your 20-40 bucks a month, you can plug any normal phone into the vonage box & folks back home can call you as if it were a local number. The same is true in reverse. It is a huge budget saver for anyone who is outside of the US.
Now, Vonage is truly great, but I found one huge drawback in India. While it is helpful for folks to be able to call my house line here for free, it is still insanely expensive to call me on my cell. And since the time zones are 11.5 hours off from CST, this means either I have to talk to folks in the US before leaving for work in the morning (9:30 pm cst), or I can call folks after work in the middle of US work hours (it is 8 pm here it is 9:30 am in Chicago).
This evening, I set out to figure out the best way to allow folks at home to call me on my cell phone. After a few hours of tinkering, I think I've found one. My first thought was to set up vonage to forward all calls to my cell. Unfortunately, they charge near 20 cents a minute to Indian cell phones. This clearly won't do as it would be as cheap for me to call directly. Now, I've always been a skype user, so I turned to them next. While their service has been great when travelling, I've always felt tethered to my laptop in order to make a call. Their service can provide you a local number, but you have to have a laptop up and running in order for it to ring. However, they also have a call forward feature & only charge 6 cents a minute to Indian cell phones!
So, using my local number with Skype.com I've now tethered the two systems together. Now, any incoming call to my vonage immediately rings to both the vonage number, and simultaneously to the skype number using their simulring feature. After 1 second, skype then forwards it to my Indian cell phone. I'll let you know how this works out, after a few weeks I'm sure I'll see a hidden charge somewhere on my bill!
Indian Web Landscape
1) message boards - (people are messaging looking for unsavory things here)
2) file sharing sites - (people are finding unsavory things here)
3) International or US media sites - (bbcnews, youtube, facebook....)
So, I'm calling the Indian Posse to give me some good local Indian sites - what Indian sites are you guys continuing to visit to get news, articles, sports etc? Post ideas and suggestions in the comments area.
Some comments on "western touches"
You may have noticed my comments on Western Touches in the below video. If you talked with me before my departure, you know I kept hearing this phrase from Expats. Here is some background on this phenomenon.
Before I left for Delhi, I spent a lot of time researching the housing market here. One of my major concerns has been finding a nice home, that isn't outrageously expensive. When I boarded my plane in Chicago, I had only lined up housing for 4 nights.
In my pre-move research, I kept coming across people in expat blogs who bragged that their homes had "western touches". I could never quite put my finger on what exactly a western touch was. However, I'm pretty sure they weren't referring to the priest scandal of the early 00's - or "To Catch a Predator".
As I thought about coming, I envisioned apartments without "western touches" as having "eastern cesspools". I remember on a visit to Tokyo being surprised at the number of Asian style toilets in high end markets & malls. Even the Bullet Train, the very heart of Modern Asia, had these hole in the floor style toilets.
After a few days, I realize how laughable the concern many expats have about coming here. Maybe my relative wealth in this country has shielded me from average accommodations, but every apartment I saw in my search had quite modern facilities. I certainly have seen some palatial homes around town (from the outside)- but even the smaller apartments I've visited have been clean, neat and organized. In fact, I was able to settle into a place *albeit temporarily* within 2 days.
Home Sweet Home
Well, I finally settled on a 1 bedroom apartment on a farmhouse outside of Vasant Kunj. After looking in Gurgaon & South Delhi, I couldn't resit the location and peace this home offered. Gurgaon is about 30 minutes from the outskirts of Delhi, from closer to city center, the time can double to nearly an hour. Both cities have a lot to offer and I considered both seriously.
First, Gurgaon:
Gurgaon is a relatively new town to India. It is just across the state border of Haryana, about 30 minutes from the Delhi Airport. The town itself developed as a result of a luxury home development for wealthy Delhi residents & careful economic planning on the part of the state. The city has developed into one of the most prominent outsourcing centers in South East Asia. The market is skewed Non-IT & really took off when GE launched a major call center here in 1997.
The city has 200,000 residents and is almost all less than 10 years old. Gurgaon is the home to what feels like 90% of India's Malls & is a decidedly suburban city. However, the city is also home to a fairly large population of slum dwellers who have settled between the golf courses, private clubs, housing estates & office buildings. That said, there are MANY western comfort in town with stores like the Body Shop, Benneton, Marks & Spencer, Calvin Klien, and even a Ruby Tuesdays to dine at.
South Delhi:
Delhi on the other hand is an old city, seemingly full of Old Money. The communities are lush, and the city is known as one of the greenest in Asia. On the outskirts, you will find many farm houses tucked away with large yards, pools & doting staff. Deeper in Delhi, communities center around the markets. I've had a chance to visit a few of the more common including Vasant Vihar, Defence Colony Market & Khan Market.
After looking in both locations, I've decided to take an apartment on the outskirts of town near to the Vasant Vihar market. In Vasant Kunj, I'm less than 30 minutes to work & less than 30 minutes to all the markets in South Delhi. Additionally, the house I've settled on is very quiet, with a large green grass lawn out front, and rolling natural land over the back wall.
In the two nights I've spent at the house, I've awoken early to the sounds of a partridge nesting in the yard.... Who knew I'd find such a peaceful home in a country of 1 billion people! Enjoy the tour & I apologize for my rambling. I hadn't held a conversation in nearly 3 days at the point of filming!
Jun 10, 2008
More Questions than Answers!
About 2 or 3 times a night at my house, I hear someone blow a whistle. I'm talking like a sports whistle. It isn't repeated, just like a quick trill or two or three & then nothing for a while. At first, I thought it was just a one time thing, but I'm noticing a trend.
Anyone have any idea why someone might be blowing a whistle? Here are my early theories:
1) Late Night Soccer match in the yard..... Low Probability of being true, but fun to think about
2) Someone approaching my guard house on a bike or foot - the cars all honk to get the guards attention, maybe these guys whistle?
Anyhow - if you have an idea - or even a theory, let me know!
Scott
You say Gora, I say Gringo
Simply put, Gora refers to the following:
Gora, or Fair-skinned in Hindustani and Punjabi, whether Indian or from other regions. It was earlier, used to describe Britishers in India, hence gave rise to names like Gora Padao, a British post, near Haldwani, Nainital district.
It is my Gora-ness that attracts the stares. I've decided to embrace my gora-ness in a sort of Gora Pride moment. So, there you have it, Gora - Gringo - it is all the same....
Is it possible to escape America?
It has surprised me however to realize just how difficult that second idea can be. You see, the American culture has so permeated itself into the rest of the world, that you literally can spend an entire day (with the proper access to cash) without eating, drinking or driving in anything unfamiliar. I think today, it really stood out to me - just how strong the American commercial and cultural engine is.
For a variety of reasons, I took it pretty easy today. It was my first day back in an apartment after a week of living in Hotels & showering in Airport lounges. I was excited about spending my downtime relaxing & recharging my engine.
Unfortunately, my body was in now mood to relax. I rose this morning about 5 am as I'm still a bit off. I made myself a cup of coffee in my new apartment, and then settled in to watch CNN. After about an hour, I made a call back home & decided to get a move on things. I've hired a temporary car & driver for the month, and at 7:45 I got a knock on the door - it seems my Ford was waiting out front. After heading downstairs, I jumped in the car for my 30 minute commute from extreme South Delhi to Gurgaon.
Along the way, I passed the offices of some of America's most famous employers. A short list of firms Gurgaon included: Google, Hewitt, Jones Lang Lasalle, KPMG, Deloitte, Adobe, GE, ESPN, Baxter Healthcare - I could go on and on.
About 9, I headed across town to Noida, another booming BPO / Textile district. If there were any familiar US firms I didn't name already, the rest of them have headquarters here. It should be noted, that this trip across town took about 2 hours & took me through 3 separate Indian States - just a fun factoid for you!
At 4 pm, and back in the office, a delivery crew showed up to drop off 9 new Dell Laptops for our office - I watched the workmen deliver while i noshed on Lays Sour Cream and Onion potato chips from the cafeteria.
Before moving into the apartment, I stopped at Spencers Hypermarket. I'll try to grab some video of this place for you in a future post as the store is pretty impressive. I needed to grab a few things so that I would have food for dinner. As I was in a rush - I grabbed some familiar staples and headed out the door. After I got home, I made myself a nice bowl of spaghetti with Prego sauce & popped a small bag of Pop Secret popcorn for a snack.
Now, is every day like this here? Certainly not - Along the way there are PLENTY of foreign sights and sounds & many exciting, fun & uniquely Indian aspects to this culture - but I'm beginning to really understand just how far the American Culture will reach.
I've made a promise to myself to try to limit my "American" days - but it won't be easy. There is simply such easy access to all your familiar staples here that it is almost extra effort to NOT buy the familiar US brand. In any case - 1 day in my life - many more to come.
-Scott