Chase Bank & Miley Cyrus's "The 7 Things I Hate About You" Mashup

Ohh Miley Cyrus, how I want to hate you - but yet get those catchy songs of yours get caught in my head. First it was the resurrection of the 80s classic "I wear my Sunglasses as Night" hook & now, the 7 things I hate about you song.

Well, rather than fight it, I think I'll just embrace it & work it into my post about how much I HATE Chase Bank right now. So folks, today - you get a two for one post!

On the Fourth of July, I visited an ABN Amro ATM on my way to the US Embassy to engage in the Americanization of India - otherwise known as the day the US introduced India to the Corn Dog. After entering my card, and pin number, I waited patiently for the machine to dispense the cash. After a few minutes, I got an error message from the monitor & then the machine informed me it was detaining my debit card.

I quickly rushed home to call Chase Bank to get a replacement visa sent my way. Now, to be fair, I have credit cards - but India is not exactly a credit friendly economy for a lot of things. Plus, there are a lot of places I'm simply not comfortable paying with a credit card - Identify Theft anyone?

So, while trying to replace my debit card, I discovered the 7 things I hate about Chase Bank:

Little Asian Presence!
Chase has ZERO commercial banking locations in India, no Bank Partners in India, and yet has more than 4,000 employees here If you have any issue with your card or account while in India - better be ready to call the US

Confusing Fees
Chase will charge you fees on each transaction, fees I'm not able to decipher. Try this transaction for example:

Rupees 887 * 0.02331454 (EXCHG RTE) + 0.62 (EXCHG RTE ADJ)

No International Debit Card Replacement

Ever have your wallet stolen while overseas? Don't count on a debit card replacement. Chase (unlike HSBC) will only provide you a replacement ATM card. So, be prepared to pay for cash for everything you buy for the rest of your trip!

Low Daily Withdrawal limit:
$300 on my account. I've tried & tried to increase my daily withdrawal limit & was even told twice it was 500 bucks (by a banker in person), unfortunately, I've never been able to get more than 400 out.

So, if you ever do lose that card abroad, I hope you are comfortable charging everything all day long - because 300 USD sure doesn't go a long way in many countries!

Your Replacement ATM will come on the SLOW BOAT TO CHINA! (or India as the case may be)
Lost your card, no problem - we'll mail your replacement to you. Yes, you heard me right - Mail - no DHL or Fedex here. Expect your new card in 3-4 weeks

Non-Chase ATM Fee: $3.00
Yep, even in India - where I have no other choice. So, if you plan on traveling - open your account with these banks with local branches & ATMs:
      1. HSBC
      2. Citibank
      3. Bank of America
      4. ABN Amro / LaSalle Bank
And finally: Helen D., Manager at the Texas Call Center
In speaking with Helen, I was told there was now way to get a card sent priority. I insisted that surely there must be some way... I mean - people can't always wait 3-4 weeks to get a replacement. What about people who travel all over the world for work - are none of them Chase customers?

I asked Helen if there was someone else I could speak with. She obliged and put me through to a new menu. After going through the various prompts, I got connected to a new agent - whom I explained I needed to speak with a manager to get a card sent DHL.

So, Guess who picked up the phone next.... Yep - Helen D!

You know what gets me? I asked Helen why she put me back to the main center when I asked to speak with someone else who could help me - Obviously implying a superior. Her response?

You weren't specific. I did give you someone else to speak to.

So there you go. Chase Bank, these are the 7 Things I Hate About You!

In case you have no idea how Miley Cyrus is involved in this post, enjoy: